As a member of the “Sophisticated Woman” Sisterhood, I pledge to follow these rules when wearing sandals and other open-toed shoes:
I promise to always wear sandals that fit. My toes will not hang over and drag the ground, nor will my heels spill over the backs. AND the sides and top of my feet will not pudge out between the straps.
I will go polish-free or vow to keep the polish fresh, intact and chip-free. I will not cheat and just touch up my big toe. I promise to go to my nail salon at least once a season and have a real pedicure.
Between pedicures, I will sand down any mounds of skin before they turn hard and yellow. I will shave the hairs off my big toe. I will not live in corn denial; rather, I will lean on my good friend, Dr. Scholl’s, if my feet need him.
If a strap breaks, I will not duct-tape, pin, glue or tuck it back into place, hoping it will stay put. I will have my shoe repaired or toss it.
I will resist the urge to buy jelly shoes at Payless for the low, low price of $4.99, even if my feet are small enough to fit into the kids’ sizes. This is out of concern for my safety and the safety of others. No one can walk properly when standing in a pool of sweat and I would hate to take someone down with me as I fall and break an ankle.
I will take my toe ring off toward the end of the day if my toes swell and begin to look like Vienna sausages.
I promise to throw away any white/off-white sandals that show signs of wear. Nothing is tackier than dirty white sandals!!
I am headed to my closet right now with a trash bag. Join me?
Sharon Canfield Dorsey is an award-winning author and poet. You can read more of her humorous poems and stories in Tapestry and Daughter of the Mountains. She is the author of two children’s books, Herman, the Hermit Crab and the Mystery of the Big, Black, Shiny Thing; and Revolt of the Teacups. Her poems are also included in an anthology, Captured Moments.